Wednesday, October 29, 2008

oh my god, BREAKFAST!! and also: whats on my van...

so i made myself a DELICIOUS and HEALTHY breakfast. I have gotten myself on a serious health kick (beer drinking aside); it's all a part of my "new leaf" and new life and list of priorities that i am erecting. making lifestyle changes and what not.

anyway, breakfast was so good i decided to share the recipe. so here it is:

i call it: um, (hadn't really thought of a name) omelette of mystery (or something. whats in a name?)

you need:
2 egg whites
3 slices of turkey breast cubed
1/4 cup crumbled vegetarian sausage
a little bit of cream cheese
salsa verde (as much as you want, i wanted a LOT)
black pepper
1 slice of hemp bread (it's part of my hippie diet)

ok so

heat your pan on medium
pour in the whites and let them cook so they become opaque
add your protein
add your cream cheese (i just sort of applied a dab of it here and there- didn't use a whole lot, just a little)
shake your pepper on it
let it cook until the whites are stable enough to fold in half (this is the omelette danger zone people)
add the salsa over the top- use some of the juice to let it simmer in (i let this go on about 3 minutes)
remove the omelette from the pan
toss the hemp bread in the pan and toast on either side
eat

oooooooh it is soooooo good.

i should have snapped a pic but i wasn't thinking about it
if you try it, let me know what you think

*****

i DID snap some pics of what my regulars wrote on my van (as per previous post)







i love it!!

Monday, October 27, 2008

x-static

i only bartend on occasion these days
sure, it hurts the old purse a little
but even though i still mingle with the regulars as often as they come in
it is very nice and nostalgic to serve them
the dynamics of our relationships- the whole web of it- has evolved so nicely over the past year

anyway
"bronco" brought in some window paint
and wrote me some notes on the beer glasses



this one is a smiley face



this one says "hi mandy"


and then he wrote on a bathroom mirror (which irked the owner)

later i found writing all over my vanagon

onlookers seemed a bit surprised i wasn't angry
i wasn't
i was quite pleased

****

it is nice to feel appreciated

Friday, October 24, 2008

.s.e.a. change

"Pauline thought love was simple, turn it on and turn it off...

this is my newest trait, born out of instinct and cunning
i desire
i throttle and consume
and before the dust has settled
i'm already gone

***

each day brings a fresh view on my varietals of woman
and my sly stretches over me like a film
and is involuntary

***

i can't help what my heart decides
my heart leads me
it chooses for itself
all i can do is watch
and follow

***

do not walk behind me, i may not lead

***

it is funny
how one moment
you are more excited,
infatuated
exhausted from anticipation
then
the next moment
you find a distance
growing comfortably
willingly
you lay down the dirt road
extending yourself much farther
much faster each time

***

at least i am protecting myself

***

I'm not lovin you, the way I wanted to
What I had to do, had to run from you
I'm in love with you, but the vibe is wrong
And that haunted me, all the way home


***

i think i am a little mad at myself
no one else
it is what it is
and soemthing just isn't right

***

just isn't right.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

my 3 colours

really there are only three colours in the whole world i feel completely at ease wearing.

so i looked them up to see what they say about me

here you go:



People who prefer brown are often conventional and orderly. The negative meaning of brown can be a repressed personality or a lazy person. Brown is the color of the earth and is associated with the material side of life.

Brown Energy
Brown can mix into many surroundings. It is a mixture of red, blue and yellow and has many shades and tones - each producing a different effect. Brown can be a stabilizing color. The red in brown gives it practical energy while the yellow and blue add mental focus energies. Too much brown can make a dull effect. Brown gives a feeling of solidity, and allows one to stay in the background, unnoticed.

Some shades of brown create a warm, comfortable feeling of wholesomeness, naturalness and dependability.

from www.crystal-cure.com



Gray is the color of sorrow. People who favor gray can be the lone wolf type or narrow-minded. Gray with more silver in it can be a very active color.

Native Americans associate gray with friendship. Gray is the symbol for security, maturity and dependability. It connotes responsibility and conservative practicality.

Gray Energy
Gray is the true neutral color. Its energy imparts void, emptiness, lack of movement, emotion, warmth and identifying characteristics. Because of this, gray can be restful. It has a detached and isolated feeling. Gray can have a cooling effect when placed next to other more vibrant colors. It has a stabilizing effect, making vibrant colors stand out while muting their vibration.

from www.crystal-cure.com




Black is the most misunderstood color. A black tie dinner is very formal and elegant. Women can wear that "must have little black dress" to the black tie dinner. Yet the bad guys wear black hats. Black symbolizes death in some cultures. Native Americans thought black was good because it was the color of soil, which gives life. Saturday's color is black.

Black Energy
Black is not a color, strictly speaking. It is the absence of all color. When people speak of opposites, it is usually in terms of black and white. Black, and its opposite white, represent polarities. Black absorbs all aspects of light. While white reveals, black conceals. It has come to mean hidden, fearful or bad experience. It is linked to the unknown or the unseen.

In times of fear and uncertainty black contains the energy of the threatening unknown. In a positive state, black is seen as a restful emptiness into which anything may emerge and disappear once again. It is also mysterious, providing a sense of potential and possibility.

you guessed it: from crystal-cure.com


....

so, i'm definitely not conventional, or all too orderly....
i don't know that i'm so much a lone-wolf, but i prefer to be alone, and i like being lonely
i like that about black being seen as restful emptiness
it gives meaning to something that has been thought of as nothing

i guess i wear these colors because, most of the time, i have no wish to stand out
i have no desire to be noticed by many people
only a very select few
do i spend my time on

i suppose this all comes from my fantasy of being invisible
because i believe
if i tried hard enough.....





what are your 3 colours?

Monday, October 20, 2008

imposters in this country

i want to ride thru the desert
again
my back to the wind
bellowing and blowing me over the sand mountains
same colour as the sky type

with this lock on my heart
i sink like a safe
in a thousand gallon tank
i hit the glass bottom
and wait

where are you
ma puce
where have you gone
where i can't hear you
you need to get up
we need to run
before the sun runs out on us

fast as your feet can
hop into my van
i'll drive towards the sun tonight
you won't waste a minute
to stare at my lips
we'll just go
fuck all this
let's go

it's crazy but i just can't pretend
you're like a song that is stuck in my head
don't go now
don't disappear
it's so easy for me
and i like it here
don't go now
dear

****
and then we made our way
up in the valley
i webbed a spiders wish of gold mouth-full of kiss
on the yew roots and
under your hand
we always have to meet again

you promise me you won't cause a scene
it's nothing new but you're new to me
i don't want a love song a sonnet
or prose
we'll just walk together
and see how it goes....

too much, too soon

interesting what you said just now

now i feel as if i have something to think about

other than i have no idea what in the hell im doing

and my equalizer wont stabalize

if you have any suggestions shout them out

all i know i a faucet somewhere has been shut off

i am listening for the drips

but they just wont echo

Sunday, October 19, 2008

hmmm....

everything is interesting again
and i am thinking again
and i am also
calming down

and i learned tonight what the line is
and where
tonight i was able to perceive it
hold it in my thoughts
in the present
thru the duration

i understand the need for a seperation

it's been saturating
without any good time
just moments
that begin to lose their magic
because a moment should be fleeting
not repetitious

words start to lose a little meaning

i am thinking
"already?"

and i hope it is just me

so we'll see
what happens tomorrow
more importantly
what happens
the next day

and if i really will stay...

***

i just don't know

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

the blood constellation

that we made

will stay above you

as you sleep

and dream of me

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

con-junction-junction

yesterday
i thought to myself

"i really torched everything"

as i looked at the linoleum
with bits of a previous life
scattered and pasted on like a collage
still sticky with despair
and rock candy hard

i will have to use a power sander if i ever want them up

and whimsically enough
the old apartment kept playing in my head

this is where we used to live


luckily there was a bottle of wine in the fridge

****

i feel like an arsonist

and maybe it is my condition
it is a pattern

and everybody's free to wear sunscreen tells us

don't be reckless with other peoples hearts and
don't put up with those who are reckless with yours


it's not that i meant to be reckless
it's not that i meant to burn it all down,
but i did
and i do
and i will again

i fall
soooo
sooo
soo
so
d
a
m
ne
dhard


i can't stop myself
i never want to
and sooner than you know it
i'm craving the lonely
all over again

and it is good to be lonely

but i am a bit afraid of myself now
because
i am in sheep's clothing

****

i don't play games
i never do

it's like a fever
my black snake moan

i need you in every pore
i need you filling up all my lungs
i need you to pull my freaking hair

but

heh

buyer beware....

****
these things used to be mine, i guess they still are i want them back


****


get on

Sunday, October 12, 2008

the beginning

Saturday, October 11, 2008

well, hello

i've missed you all

i haven't been away

see?






much has changed.
so it goes.


be right back....