yesterday, derrick and i were rear-ended on 275, about 630 am.
it turned out to be kind of a big production-
i heard on the news they had gone down to one lane.
no fatalities, just a bit of whiplash
and a slight concussion.
and my back is sore today....
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
of wasps and rabbits
so...
as i was asleep in the car monday morning,
a dream came to me.
i wake up in the car, surrounded by rabbits
all of which are my pets. i have to exit the car
but don't want the rabbits to get out,
because there are feral cats who roam the
parking garage.
i fail at this however, and rabbits begin
scurrying wildly out of the car as i chase them and try in vain
to corral them back into the car.
when i notice two bunnies on the ledge overlooking
a large drop
i run to their rescue
and
somehow
knock over a wasps nest. wasps begin stinging me
repeatedly on my arms and hands
so that they swell double in size
and NOW i have NO function
of my hands
and i just sort of bat awkwardly at the bunnies
and this gets us no where.
derrick comes into the garage to witness this fiasco
and yells:
"What are you doing? The bunnies are everywhere!
I told you not to bring the bunnies."
******
another inane tale from my subconscious.
as i was asleep in the car monday morning,
a dream came to me.
i wake up in the car, surrounded by rabbits
all of which are my pets. i have to exit the car
but don't want the rabbits to get out,
because there are feral cats who roam the
parking garage.
i fail at this however, and rabbits begin
scurrying wildly out of the car as i chase them and try in vain
to corral them back into the car.
when i notice two bunnies on the ledge overlooking
a large drop
i run to their rescue
and
somehow
knock over a wasps nest. wasps begin stinging me
repeatedly on my arms and hands
so that they swell double in size
and NOW i have NO function
of my hands
and i just sort of bat awkwardly at the bunnies
and this gets us no where.
derrick comes into the garage to witness this fiasco
and yells:
"What are you doing? The bunnies are everywhere!
I told you not to bring the bunnies."
******
another inane tale from my subconscious.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
.E.R.F. Day
happy earth day to all
i found this image at http://www.contemplativemind.org/practices/tree.html
i recommend giving this site a look-see.
go outside, everyone.
with love,
your dirt-worshiping, tree-hugging, norml activist, peta leafletting, vegan mandy
vegan option?
today the cafeteria offered
"Vegetarian Vegetable Soup"
so I ate it.
I suppose we will find out if there was any
non-vegan ingredient-
fairly soon, i suspect...
is acidophilus vegan??
i wonder...
"Vegetarian Vegetable Soup"
so I ate it.
I suppose we will find out if there was any
non-vegan ingredient-
fairly soon, i suspect...
is acidophilus vegan??
i wonder...
Friday, April 18, 2008
a while ago...
i did something awful, to someone whom i love and loved more than anything else, always. what i did was downright disgraceful, and i am ashamed everyday to have done what i did.
but
things go on.
life continues,
a little at a time.
this all started with me.
when i am stretched out, over so many areas that demand my constant attention,
my response is to disconnect
from everything
and all at once.
it's a defense of some type.
i've been thru enough therapy to recognize my "defenses."
and i detatched .c.o.m.p.l.e.t.e.l.y.
but there was something else,
a small glitch in the program, where
the origin truly should be placed-
not in me,
but in a guest,
to whom i offered endless hospitality.
i allowed them access to my most private spaces,
and i shrink
like a spider enflamed
at these memories.
and this is the catalyst
that began the road
to hurting,
and my deep
deep
regret.
and yet
i find
searches
sometimes
that are not mine,
and which
(so
so
so sadly)
seem to validate
all those feelings of
loss, and disconnection, and lonliness
and ghostliness
and
and i wonder....
i wonder what happens when my back is turned
and
if i turn to far
everything is lost.
....
i was wrong for what i did
but was i wrong for why?
...
"...that blackbird,
that blackbird he says..."
t.b.g.
...
my head
swims.
but
things go on.
life continues,
a little at a time.
this all started with me.
when i am stretched out, over so many areas that demand my constant attention,
my response is to disconnect
from everything
and all at once.
it's a defense of some type.
i've been thru enough therapy to recognize my "defenses."
and i detatched .c.o.m.p.l.e.t.e.l.y.
but there was something else,
a small glitch in the program, where
the origin truly should be placed-
not in me,
but in a guest,
to whom i offered endless hospitality.
i allowed them access to my most private spaces,
and i shrink
like a spider enflamed
at these memories.
and this is the catalyst
that began the road
to hurting,
and my deep
deep
regret.
and yet
i find
searches
sometimes
that are not mine,
and which
(so
so
so sadly)
seem to validate
all those feelings of
loss, and disconnection, and lonliness
and ghostliness
and
and i wonder....
i wonder what happens when my back is turned
and
if i turn to far
everything is lost.
....
i was wrong for what i did
but was i wrong for why?
...
"...that blackbird,
that blackbird he says..."
t.b.g.
...
my head
swims.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
miasma
surely, the coffee will kick in any time....
i guess i am officially job hunting, because
there no longer seems any reason to stay where i am
the $$ is fantastic, but
i can make just as much somewhere else
and anyway,
i need a more professional environment
the people around my job are so petty
and immature
and i can't get anywhere
and no one listens to me anyway
and if anyone appreciates how much i work my ass off
they never say
and it isn't even that i need to be praised
every time i don't fuck up
(which is mostly all the time- my fuck ups occur
once every 3 to 4 months)
or telling me i'm great because i took the
"initiative" to clean a wall,
or whatever
i just need to get away from my
20-something managerial staff
who just don't get it
love my job, hate my job
but it truly is suffocating there
at least some of the time
i guess i am officially job hunting, because
there no longer seems any reason to stay where i am
the $$ is fantastic, but
i can make just as much somewhere else
and anyway,
i need a more professional environment
the people around my job are so petty
and immature
and i can't get anywhere
and no one listens to me anyway
and if anyone appreciates how much i work my ass off
they never say
and it isn't even that i need to be praised
every time i don't fuck up
(which is mostly all the time- my fuck ups occur
once every 3 to 4 months)
or telling me i'm great because i took the
"initiative" to clean a wall,
or whatever
i just need to get away from my
20-something managerial staff
who just don't get it
love my job, hate my job
but it truly is suffocating there
at least some of the time
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
tra la la
today is back to school day
i would have liked to attended public speaking
the professor decided not to show
thats fine, i suppose
it afforded me time to post on my blog,
but this post is nothing special
this is just me,
killing time
i have an appointment to have my tattoos colored in tonight
and this is very exciting.
......
this post, however,
is not exciting.
i would have liked to attended public speaking
the professor decided not to show
thats fine, i suppose
it afforded me time to post on my blog,
but this post is nothing special
this is just me,
killing time
i have an appointment to have my tattoos colored in tonight
and this is very exciting.
......
this post, however,
is not exciting.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
a friend said....
"in your email
you told me you have been avoiding and
ignoring me on purpose...
really?
why?"
and i felt stuttery, put on the spot.
i should have had a better answer, a more calculated answer.
i gave her a lot of mumble.
then i gave her the correct answer,
which was
"I am really self-absorbed"
she scoffed, and told me that didn't sound right
because,
it seems laffable to her
i could be so self-absorbed
it would cause me to abandon a friendship.
well,
sadly (?)
no.
it is so difficult for me to maintain friendships.
not because of a lack of interest, mostly.
i'm not sure why.
i could go into reasons, but then,
i would give away all my secrets.
...
i love disappearing.
...
big blue lake
boat
barefoot
in the fog
with the yew and
poplars
we lost our last oar
somewhere
on the shore
you
and i
our laffs fading
into the breeze
my hair tips rest
on my knees
we can't see
for miles
in this fog
just you
just me
sixty degree
something
big blue lake
boat
and
barefeet
you told me you have been avoiding and
ignoring me on purpose...
really?
why?"
and i felt stuttery, put on the spot.
i should have had a better answer, a more calculated answer.
i gave her a lot of mumble.
then i gave her the correct answer,
which was
"I am really self-absorbed"
she scoffed, and told me that didn't sound right
because,
it seems laffable to her
i could be so self-absorbed
it would cause me to abandon a friendship.
well,
sadly (?)
no.
it is so difficult for me to maintain friendships.
not because of a lack of interest, mostly.
i'm not sure why.
i could go into reasons, but then,
i would give away all my secrets.
...
i love disappearing.
...
big blue lake
boat
barefoot
in the fog
with the yew and
poplars
we lost our last oar
somewhere
on the shore
you
and i
our laffs fading
into the breeze
my hair tips rest
on my knees
we can't see
for miles
in this fog
just you
just me
sixty degree
something
big blue lake
boat
and
barefeet
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
murder, most foul
an old friend called me from poland, so i spoke
with her today as i walked around my block (probably 20+ times)
i noticed at the far upper corner of the block by a stop sign an
enormeous ant convention was taking place
i stopped to observe them, as my friend talked, wondering what they were all so excited about
each time i passed by, i got close, becomming increasingly interested in they're activity
on a subsequent trip (maybe 6th or 7th after the initial encounter) i looked on in horror as a young boy proudly stomped on the swarm of ants, his kid brother cheering him on, and mother, oblivious(!!!!), walked ahead pushing a stroller
so as not to interrupt my friend, i stifled my mad screaming "NO!! STOP!!" and covered my agape mouth with a shaking palm
once the boy ran off, celebrating his victory with arms waving, and chanting "I'm the KING of the ANTS!", i rushed to my crouched position, assessing the damages.
the death toll was massive.
a neighbour happens along, and is concerned with me and asks "Is something the matter?"
at this point, i HAVE to excuse myself from the conversation (in which i had remained an active party) ane explained to the man about the ants, and the "veritable genocide" (verbatim) which had taken place, and that i felt very sad, because i had enjoyed watching them
he sort of stared at me, and in a kind-of unsure sincerity served with a half-smile he says, "Well, they'll come back"
and I reply "But they've lost so many"
he looks at the pile of dead, nods, and says "Yes, that's quite a bit... but, it'll be ok..."
and we make eye contact, and I say "...ok" and then "Have a good night" as he walks (quickly) away
but he said "OK!" and waved, so
I'm sure he thought I was only a little eccentric, which is better than if i were a total loon
when i returned to the phone I asked my friend, "Did you hear that?"
yes,
she said.
she had.
with her today as i walked around my block (probably 20+ times)
i noticed at the far upper corner of the block by a stop sign an
enormeous ant convention was taking place
i stopped to observe them, as my friend talked, wondering what they were all so excited about
each time i passed by, i got close, becomming increasingly interested in they're activity
on a subsequent trip (maybe 6th or 7th after the initial encounter) i looked on in horror as a young boy proudly stomped on the swarm of ants, his kid brother cheering him on, and mother, oblivious(!!!!), walked ahead pushing a stroller
so as not to interrupt my friend, i stifled my mad screaming "NO!! STOP!!" and covered my agape mouth with a shaking palm
once the boy ran off, celebrating his victory with arms waving, and chanting "I'm the KING of the ANTS!", i rushed to my crouched position, assessing the damages.
the death toll was massive.
a neighbour happens along, and is concerned with me and asks "Is something the matter?"
at this point, i HAVE to excuse myself from the conversation (in which i had remained an active party) ane explained to the man about the ants, and the "veritable genocide" (verbatim) which had taken place, and that i felt very sad, because i had enjoyed watching them
he sort of stared at me, and in a kind-of unsure sincerity served with a half-smile he says, "Well, they'll come back"
and I reply "But they've lost so many"
he looks at the pile of dead, nods, and says "Yes, that's quite a bit... but, it'll be ok..."
and we make eye contact, and I say "...ok" and then "Have a good night" as he walks (quickly) away
but he said "OK!" and waved, so
I'm sure he thought I was only a little eccentric, which is better than if i were a total loon
when i returned to the phone I asked my friend, "Did you hear that?"
yes,
she said.
she had.
Monday, April 7, 2008
sushi-girl
i have hang ups about raw fish....
yeh, you may know (my loyal reader)
i once was in culinary school, but ultimately
vegans don't make it far
in culianry...
at least,
NOT in the midwest...
(a, le sigh....)
so i have returned to my original major-
art history-
which is lovely
and doesn't compromise my veganinity...
anyway-
while at school, i often frequent
Thai Cafe on Ludlow, which offers truly succlent tofu dishes as well as
a massive edamame appetizer,
and one day i get this weird craving for some
sushi, because it sounds light, refreshing, healthy et al
and
even thought i KNOW
it is simply:
zucchini
carrot
rice
seaweed
i STILL
hesitate, because it was on the
sushi list.
so i sit
and stare down at my plate,
and four rolls
of raw vegetables
with crinkled nose
coaxing myself
pretending the fate of the planet
lies in my open mouth
and anti-dexterous fingertips
that have broken two pairs of chopsticks-
that if i were to take only a single bite
EARTH would be saved from evil
aliens
who wish to do elaborate testing
in peculiar anatomical avenues
...
i sit a while
...
then i realize the kikkoman-
which i had sworn off
due to its whopping 920mg of sodium per
TEASPOON
which is great
if you can't find any HELIUM
with which to engorge yourself
i proceed to DOUSE my "sushi" in the sauce
and with closed eyes and
pounding heart
i
take
a
bite.
....
i now enjoy this veggie sushi
weekly
daily sometimes-
as a midnight snack
lunch or
any situation wherein sushi may be
appropriate.
yeh, you may know (my loyal reader)
i once was in culinary school, but ultimately
vegans don't make it far
in culianry...
at least,
NOT in the midwest...
(a, le sigh....)
so i have returned to my original major-
art history-
which is lovely
and doesn't compromise my veganinity...
anyway-
while at school, i often frequent
Thai Cafe on Ludlow, which offers truly succlent tofu dishes as well as
a massive edamame appetizer,
and one day i get this weird craving for some
sushi, because it sounds light, refreshing, healthy et al
and
even thought i KNOW
it is simply:
zucchini
carrot
rice
seaweed
i STILL
hesitate, because it was on the
sushi list.
so i sit
and stare down at my plate,
and four rolls
of raw vegetables
with crinkled nose
coaxing myself
pretending the fate of the planet
lies in my open mouth
and anti-dexterous fingertips
that have broken two pairs of chopsticks-
that if i were to take only a single bite
EARTH would be saved from evil
aliens
who wish to do elaborate testing
in peculiar anatomical avenues
...
i sit a while
...
then i realize the kikkoman-
which i had sworn off
due to its whopping 920mg of sodium per
TEASPOON
which is great
if you can't find any HELIUM
with which to engorge yourself
i proceed to DOUSE my "sushi" in the sauce
and with closed eyes and
pounding heart
i
take
a
bite.
....
i now enjoy this veggie sushi
weekly
daily sometimes-
as a midnight snack
lunch or
any situation wherein sushi may be
appropriate.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
