christopher guest head

you can imagine my surprise and elation
to have stumbled upon karaoke night at lattitudes last evening.

i brought them all to their knees with my rendition of
"cumbersome"

a particularly euro-barfly told me
"it's cool to hear a girl sing that song"

because it's easy for men to fantasize about me
putting my bitch in her place,
and

it has happened.

>>><<<

of course my favourite drunkie-oke-ers
were the ones who stand awkwardly in front of the screen
holding the microphone like a winter squash at their nose
and meekly breathing the words into the receiver

then there are those who know in their hearts
they sound just like bono, or carly simon

a resident crooner sang "new york, new york"
which was fine until he got saucy
and decided to travel with the microphone
and stood directly in front of a large amplifier
sending a
"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
like a laser through everyones ears
and nonchalantly ambled away

i noticed his wife didn't pay much attention to him the rest of the evening
even as he attempted to serenade her with
"My Girl"--
she was more interested in talking to
"Rob"
who sang most of his songs
in falsetto
with his eyes closed
and beating his chest with his bottle of bud lite

>>><<<

i want to make a movie of this
but set it in a bowling alley

the whole thing is truly non-sequitur
and i feast like a zombie on a fat man
at all things
non-
sequitur.