gone and back

my nostalgia for the highway is amplified by early morning air.

****

last week, two family friends passed away. the latter of which lived in atlanta, and i had the pleasure of escorting my mother to say goodbye to her dearest friend (who was like an aunt to me when i was young).

we returned last night.

amid all the sadness of the situation, it was still refreshing to be away from cincinnati for a while, and to be moving on the road through the country.

****

the kudzu is really everywhere there.

i'm awake, i don't know what to think

agh.

4:21 am ((not the real time; close))

there has been so much noise around the house:: if a large truck gets stuck at
the stoplight at the corner, its idling vibrates the windows and floors in our
front rooms.
some doors are slamming, and i suspect it's the 17 year old
above us.
and right now these BIRDS are very busy,
and singing me a concerto,
which i appreciate, although

they are VERY loud
and don't seem to care i might be trying to sleep.

but really,
i'm just worked up.

it's been an emotional week::
we've lost two close family friends,
and our Mabyi is on vacation
so
this is all
atypical,
at least, and
my macbook is acting funny....

i got some nervous energy to expend
so i am blog-babbling
and everything

stand up

Stand up
We shall not be moved
Except By a child with no socks and shoes
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Stand up We shall not be moved
Except by a woman dying from the loss of food
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

We still don't understand thunder and lightning
Flash back to when we didn't fund the dam
Didn't fund the damn levi? No wonder man
Now our whole damn city's torn asunder man
Under water but we still don't understand
We see hurricane spills over on the land
Through gaps you couldn't fill with a 100 tons of sand
No we still don't understand
We've seen planes in the windows of buildings crumbled in
We've seen flames send the chills through London
And we've sent planes to kill them and some of them were children
But still we crumbling the building
Underfunded but we still don't understand
Under god but we kill like the son of Sam
But if you feel like I feel like about the son of man
We will overcome

So Stand up
We shall not be moved
Except By a child with no socks and shoes
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Stand up We shall not be moved
Except by a woman dying from the loss of food
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

I said Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

We shall not be moved
Except By a child with no socks and shoes
Except by a woman dying from the loss of food
Except by a freedom fighter bleeding on a cross for you
We shall not be moved
Except by a system thats rotten through
Neglecting the victims and ordering the cops to shoot
High treason now we need to prosecute

So Stand up
We shall not be moved
And we wont fight a war for fossil fuel
Its times like this that you want to plot a coo
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
So Stand up
We shall not be moved
Unless were taking a route we have not pursued
So if you've got a dream and a lot to do
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

I said Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
if you've got a dream and a lot to do
Put your hands up

Now shake, shake
A Polaroid dream
nightmare negatives develop on the screen
We sit back and wait for the government team
Criticize they but who the fuck are we
The people want peace but the leaders want war
Our neighbors don't speak, peek thru the front door
House representatives preach "stay the course"
Time for a leap of faith
Once More

Put your hands up high if you havn't imagined
Hope that the pen strokes stronger than the cannon
Balls to the wall, Nose to the grindstone
My interrogation techniques leave your mind blown
So Place your bets lets speak to the enemy
Don't let em pretend that we seek blood
And who's we anyways Kemo Sabe?
Mighty warlord wanna-be street thug
a threat for a threat leaves the whole world terrified
blow for blow never settles the score
word for word is time need clarify
We the people did not want war

So Stand up
We shall not be moved
Except By a child with no socks and shoes
If you've got more to give then you've got to prove
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Unless were taking a route we have not pursued
So if you've got a dream and a lot to do
Put your hands up and I'll copy you

I said Put your hands up and I'll copy you
Put your hands up and I'll copy you
if you've got a dream and a lot to do
Put your hands up

written by: the flobots

.d.a.y.

i'm negative responsibility.

so i don't know how to handle myself.

first priority is not to eat vegetable fried rice from china house anymore.

.g.r.o.s.s.

****

i keep becoming pale.

today i was so listless;

i probably need iron- and

SHUTUP

about my eating habits-

clearly maintaining body mass is NOT my issue,

absorbing iron is.

****

and i at least attempted going to school today, but

in the end,

i opted for bed,

where i belong.

****

tomorrow is going to be a long day.

****

****

and there's been some bad news...











.

people always say...

"You have a STAR on your FACE!!"



it's true.

And- yes, I knew getting a facial tattoo would open up conduits for dumbass questions and remarks-
but TODAY
tops the list of "Rudest Things Ever Said to Me",
you see

I introduced myself to a party of 8
and ignored a chorus of "You have a star"(s)
and one guy said

((ahem))

"I guess that STAR on your FACE will make you think twice about getting DRUNK again, huh??"

****

wow.

i was literally stunned.

and i handled it well- i remained unmoved and blew it off,
but this comment has stuck with me all day- not because i'm sad that the guy hates my tattoo-
but that people honestly feel treating one another this way is permissible.
the fact that i am serving them in a restaurant ((this makes me a ".W.A.I.T.R.E.S.S"))
only exacerbates the problem of value:

read: my job is of little value to these people
::their immediate judgement is that i am an uneducated underachiever::

then they see what i look like.

and then they say things.

and, to an extent, i have to roll it away, because what i wanted to do
was pin his scrotum to his chair with a fork
but

that definitely would have gotten me fired.

****

and NOW for qualification (continuation of post below)

i have to clear up that:

1) i am NOT and avid movie goer. it actually tops my list of "LEAST favourite things to do"
2) True- i am NOT in peak physical condition, however:
a.) I eat VERY well ((.v.e.g.a.n.))
b.) I exercise 3-4 times a week
c.) I'm getting there

*****

Last night derrick and I watched Narnia- I'd been putting it off because of the way I remember the books (which I haven't read in some time), and I enjoyed it, except that the combat scenes give me little tremor attacks

and i KNOW it is ONLY make believe

but i really have a hard time dealing with it.

Anyway, so today he wanted to see Prince Caspian, and i agreed because i was kind of interested, and because he really wanted to.

i did NOT finish the movie- i cried most of the way thru it, and ran out of the theatre during the finale battle, because i started feeling sick and anxious.

*****

i feel a little like a pussy, sure.

THIS is coming...

i think Kangaroo Jack may have met his most ridiculous match yet....

i physically cried during this preview at the cinema- partially because my dimwitted, obese countrymen with their foot-long chili dogs, nachos, and fried chicken ((whatever happened to Sno-Caps and Milk Duds as movie treats?? not exactly healthy, but when did it become appropriate to bring a four-course fucking buffet into the theatre??)) laffed their ASSES off enough to actually fit comfortably in the ALREADY mass-lenient RECLINING seats; and partially because as a people we are so dumbed-down at this point, we will accept whatever trash those ass-clowns in Hollywood throw at us.

maybe i'm too uptight these days, but COME ON....

asphixiation

i get home and i notice the pilot light is out.

thus, i lit the pilot light, using a paper towel, and some fire.

.c.r.i.s.i.s. adverted.

***

((slow news day))

seal of approval

everyone gets all bent out of shape at work when i relax with a
.r.e.f.r.e.s.h.i.n.g.
Bud Light Lime
after my shift.

admittedly i am NOT a huge advocate of the budweiser family
or its respective genus
but-

its light,
its .c.r.i.s.p.

and goshdarnit-

I LIKE IT!!

stupid government

so it's may 16th, and i have been looking forward to today because
that government stimulus check was supposed to be in the bank...

THEN i find out that
1) If you filed with H&R Block
2) And had the prep fees deducted from your return
you WILL be waiting for a paper check,
which will arrive a month from today.

...

this blows.

sleeper extraordinaire

why do i feel like a zombie?

i'm cloudy and unfocused

inertia, i guess

it's giving me the !CREEPS!

do i want to eat

sailboat

sky-climb

drink

bury myself in the grass

and decompose

or just sleep?

***

for serious

i've gotten myself invited to a pool party at the end of this month-

you know what that means

***

christopher guest head

you can imagine my surprise and elation
to have stumbled upon karaoke night at lattitudes last evening.

i brought them all to their knees with my rendition of
"cumbersome"

a particularly euro-barfly told me
"it's cool to hear a girl sing that song"

because it's easy for men to fantasize about me
putting my bitch in her place,
and

it has happened.

>>><<<

of course my favourite drunkie-oke-ers
were the ones who stand awkwardly in front of the screen
holding the microphone like a winter squash at their nose
and meekly breathing the words into the receiver

then there are those who know in their hearts
they sound just like bono, or carly simon

a resident crooner sang "new york, new york"
which was fine until he got saucy
and decided to travel with the microphone
and stood directly in front of a large amplifier
sending a
"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
like a laser through everyones ears
and nonchalantly ambled away

i noticed his wife didn't pay much attention to him the rest of the evening
even as he attempted to serenade her with
"My Girl"--
she was more interested in talking to
"Rob"
who sang most of his songs
in falsetto
with his eyes closed
and beating his chest with his bottle of bud lite

>>><<<

i want to make a movie of this
but set it in a bowling alley

the whole thing is truly non-sequitur
and i feast like a zombie on a fat man
at all things
non-
sequitur.