left-

all i can think is this 

a night of missed kisses, red clouds and

music- loud

over the waves of the ohio,

yeh, i know-

and im used to the feeling of being used too...

you sleep and i'm awake

you call that a choice? for FUCKS sake!

i didn't do- did not do-

anything wrong,

at least

not to you.

into the rivers' water deep 

i wanted it to sink

to drown 

if i can't be reached i can't be found

and i wish to a god

try as hard as i can, but

the winds keep calling, and 

after all

this IS what i am-

you call it lost

or lonely

or broken or sad

or evil, and devil woman- yes!

that is what you said,

and with an easy way out, no less

and no better

you sent me that smile in the black and white

and i read it at night

right down to that last line

i get it-

you have to say goodbye.

what am i left with?

smoldering embers of possibilities and a

restless longing 

for lonely and

anything

and i shoulda seen it coming

from a week away-

not the only time you've had nothing to say

abscond

and fray-

i become a memory, again

in someone else's head

a ghost of myself

behind you as you tread

to find who you think

is gonna save your soul

but i've been through a lot more, 

WHAT THE FUCK DO you KNOW?

and

it's really that easy 

just to let me go?

so,

into the ohio 

and the water and the current

to the mississippi 

to lie on the river bed

with all that history

like me

is what i am- this-

a ghost

a loss

a want, like a fire

for the frost

i'm pale

and don't eat i don't sleep and

can't if i tried

theres a black sickness eating me on the inside

and my heart beats slower- look

i just want to die,

anyway...

and you have already said goodbye