thursday

back in school. finally....

it feels like it has been much longer than a few months, but thats true for almost anything-- miles are longer, words have more syllables.

in my cultural diversity class today we learned that every agent has a target for oppression.... in sociology we discussed what issues we would like to explore, such as child abuse and suicide....

i don't know what i'm doing. i don't know what TO do, except be here, in these classes and take what i can from them, you know-- make myself smart. how i LONG for an honours course-- i LONG to be challenged.

i feel as if i am wading in mediocrity and expecting it to make me feel better. people get me all wrong (m.z.d. "ALLWAYS")
so what now? a horoscope told me that "perhaps your presence is intimidating"

really??

i believe i come off as akward and shy, to which my husby agreed, and said "So unlike when i first met you. You were bouncy. You had the attitude of 'Hey, I'm Mandy, so Fuck Off..."

now i am quiet, reserved, often speechless. serious. weathered.

whatever.

i can't figure out what the change is or was that lead to this type of silence.

on the other hand i am speaking up for myself more, taking control of my mind and body, shedding this victim cloak-- i am working out at school (mostly aerobics, a little weight lifting), i'm not smoking cigarettes (as much-- i quit buying packs, but will have one at work occasionally if i'm offered), it's weird. i'm choosing tea over coffee.

i'm being boring (p.s.b.) heh.

moxy out::: moxy come, moxy go.

but, it is decided that bigger glasses are in order-- eye frames the size of saucers, yes, and silk scarves and cuckoo clocks and cookie jars...

thats me.