redempt....ion; transgression, translucent

there are
armies in our heads.
what is the value of huiman life, really?

truer words, for transients

:::there's a fool on every corner when you're trying to get home:::

-r.cash

.ever. .after.

i found my hard heart in the street

right where you left it

funny we should meet

and never regret it

and i said,

i say

things i will not mean

i played you like a string

the whole time, the whole theme

was wanting you to dissipate

you know, you know

im evil that way.

.m.i.d. air

i suppose the graffiti of nostalgia will remain. oh god.... i sound like the local clerisy, quoting themselves for posterity, fleeting as it may be.

like anyone cares.

someone at work mused today about the "point" of a blog. i mused about the viscosity of their "soul"; see also: "synapse" and "functionality of...".

it's not so much that i want people to read this, it's the off chance that somebody MIGHT read this, and "they" MAY feel some sort of "connection" to what i'm gisting, because my words fail me many, many times.

strange. if i could talk in shapes (dodecahedrons, perhaps) it may be easier for others to act like i'm human. essentially, however, i am alone- not in the universe- but in my mind. i feel like alice.

soren kierkegaard said- "if i do not express the universal, no one can understand me." (from Fear and Trembling)

i like that idea, that there is a continuity in it all. not only am i Po-Mo, i'm existential!

(that bit about the po-mo was a joke)

it's important to find the albatross.

i make wings out of feeling. i make love to the world with my eyes. and i have loved you- one thousand sunsets over, and still i would be never nearer to the trueness of your lips...

hollandaise

i hate hollandaise.

"phew, for a minute there..."

its nearly april.

i had a test just now, and once again i am afraid i bombed it.

i have a test two hours from now. which is very exciting.

presently there are no words to describe the tumult in my head. slowly the medication numbs me to a dull roar, soon i will be tamed, and eventually extinct.

i watch people. as much as i try to feel like i belong to the species, i can't. their faces make clear the vast, vaccuous landscapes of their minds.

we all are dying.

we all are.

prioritize

yes. organize.

my brain argued with itself the whole way there, so i couldn't go, without a thought i put in a call, and it was all done- except now- i sit here with broken hips, wondering how much i have to do until i am proven....

i feel "stranded in montana." every chance i got i smoked a cigarette, now i'm only flawed trying to thaw, i have no automatic defrost and its in my knees and out my mouth....

i had a dream about the time i was fifteen, and the fault lines in my head began to quiver- in sepia i cried to my parents, begging for help, and after being ignored cut my wrists open, but while my skin split no blood was present, or made...

like it evaporated,

as i do now.