i've been thinking...

about happiness.

...

and i find it strange that i'm happy, or moreover: happy for the sake of being happy-

without all the Pollyanna aftertaste or

the thick, marmalade flavoured sap of Field of Dreams,

no,

more like

an immediate call to explore my life

protect it

cherish it

set myself apart from my family, because

i am not them.


i refuse.

instead i have forged a code of ethics revolving around my ideas of

self-value

i'm worth more than i sell myself hourly to my job;

intelligence and aptitude

and a certain, peculiar manner of thought processing

all my own

and all completely misunderstood.


there is freedom in owning your life-

forever i pined for a dark highway
tall trees
scent of wild, feral earth
in the west
by the pacific
salt in the breeze
and complete autonomy...

it's still hard not to have it

but i still want it enough to know

i will have it

one

of



these


days (of mine)