lessons in humility

at the gas station, i catch myself quite often saying things to myself, such as, "I'm better than this" and "I don't belong here" and this has made me more aware of myself, and it's making me wonder if i'm being judgemental...

it's what these people say (some of them) and the things they do that are permissable there. they're the alternate version of all the richie bastards in mt. lookout. in ways they act exactly alike.

people walk in the door wearing no shirt and no shoes, smoking a cigarette AND drinking a beer with their four kids following them around. they buy some forties, a $2.00 bottle of early times, and four packs of Bronco Lights, and their kid asks for chocolate milk and they get in the kids face and scream "GODDAMNIT, I done already told you you don't GET NOTHIN!!!"

to me they smile and laugh and say "Lil' shits."


other people look sun-weathered and sad. their workshirts are full of holes and their faces red. usually they nod upon entering and offer something like, "hot out there!"

if it's a woman she'll be carrying an 80's-sized pleather purse. she'll buy a six pack of Mike's Cranberry Lemonade, a pack of Misty 120's, and a scratch off ticket. it's easy to make light conversation with these women. most of the time I don't have to talk. they just want someone to listen.

the men are polite and have wives of 30 years or more. they all look too old to be working and when you give them their lottery tickets they make a quiet joke about "early retirement".


august is my out month. it sits ahead of me like a cruise ship. the thought of being able to grocercy shop makes my heart race. it's a real job for once. a well paying, responsible, good job with all the fixins- and it's something i love to do. i feel so lucky to have gotten it, and i can't wait for it to start.

until then, it's the gas station- where i have already been reprimanded for not stocking the cigarettes well enough.

i guess what pisses me off most is being treated like i am a complete idiot when i hit a wrong button or fail to understand the quick-talking lotto jargon, or because i handed somebody 100's instead of kings.

i sometimes have to bite my tongue and not assault them with every four syllable word in the english language explaining to them how self educated and cultured i am. (yes, this makes me feel a little like a bitch) but it wouldn't do much good.

i'm a "city" girl, after all.