to jeremy, who moved away

i think i sent you an email a few days ago with derricks number because my phone was missing. i have it back now but i didnt recognize the 970 so i didnt answer- somehow my information has been leaked to totalbankruptcy.com and i keep getting weird calls from lawyers trying to lend a hand, so i thought you were one of them, haha!

anyway i replied to a few of your picture emails- they were all so gorgeous, and you looked so happy in them. i like how you matched the colour of your cast to the colour of the sky! you'd always match by default!

it seems like you're enjoying it so much, i can't wait to come visit!

school is busy, i've somehow fallen into three jobs right now- all at various coffeeshops and teahouses around the city. im bartending at kaldi's on the weekends, and i'm taking over a management posiiton at essencha in oakley in june, and i'm working sundays at lookout joes in mt. lookout. i have school from 10AM to 10PM monday and wednesday, and for two hours on friday.

i stopped taking my anti anger meds, because i was getting angrier, haha! so i think i'm getting back to normal. i've been successful in ostracizing myself almost entirely from everyone i know, which is wonderful. i like having everyone mad at me because then i dont have to deal with them. and- i'm so lame anyhow. i'm in bed by 930 if i can help it at night. i have no energy or patience suddenly with other people- but i think youd be way proud of me because im sticking up for myself and saying whats on my mind. im learning how to not doubt myself, and ive learned recently, thats the root of all my problems.

so i make myself go harder now, on everything. i look at mabyl and i just keep moving. its so hard to not be with her as much. i often feel like something is gone, and im not myself when shes not around. you know whats funny- you know how youre a kid and you wake up in the middle of the night so you climbe into bed with your parents and you feel safe? thats how she makes me feel.

i applied for a personal chef position with some fat cat family in hyde park- i met all the qualifications they were asking for, and the woman (kim, i take it) and i exchanged some lovely emails. (this gets interesting, trust me)
we were discussing a time to meet- they pay was insane and without demanding hours, and i impressed her, but I decide to write an email to all my friends (mostly in name, because acquaintance is so archaic) telling them im tired of them calling me and to fuck off, basically and (oops) accidentaly copied Kim's email address into the mailing chain.

so she replies that "after receiving your email i no longer think you are a good fit for the position"

DAMN!! I set her a concise email apologizing and offered a quick explanation and said i hope we could work things out, haha! That SUCKS!! totally shot myself in the foot!

if you cant laught at yourself....


so, in short- check your email!!!!

miss you,

ill call you tomorrow,

love ya,

m.