these always put me in a better mood

1) Who is the last person you high-fived?
i think it was Wn because we were complimented on the ultimate 80's-ness of it

2) If you were drafted into a war, would you serve?
i think honestly, no... at least not for THIS administration

3) Do you sleep with the tv on?
no thats completely impossible for me

4) Have you ever wheezed the juice?
what? how exactly does one do this? is this question asking me if i have ever drank boo juice?

5) Have you ever won a spelling bee?
i got really close one time and took third. it got me a picture in the parish circular. i think i was holding a beanie baby next to my head in the photo.

6) Have you ever been stung by a bee?
yes- and i almost died!!

7) How fast can you type?
pretty fast. i'm kind of awesome at typing.

8) Are you afraid of the dark?
only after i watch 28 days or 28 weeks later. i am afraid of zombies, or people who have the rage virus.

9) What color are your socks?
which pair? i am wearing two pairs because i am cold.

10) Have you ever made out at a drive-in?
if i did it was with my boyfriend matt junior year. he was a dairy boy at kroger when i worked there. i don't remember why i broke up with him. all i remember is he started dating this friend of mine later on, and i think she gave him the clap.

11) When is the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
i never choose a bath. if i have a bath i have to shower thoroughly beforehand, then clean the tub, then i can take a bath. i'm not much for wallowing in filth, mine or otherwise.

12) Do you knock on wood?
isn't that bad luck?

13) Do you floss daily?
as much as possible. i feel gross if i don't floss. and i am always paranoid that i have something in my teeth.

14) Do you wanna Fanta?
oh god- those kinds of soft drinks give me crazy heartburn.

15) Can you hula hoop?
briefly, in small, sudden bursts

16) Are you good at keeping secrets?
depends on the secret, who it is about, etc. i try to remain unaffiliated, but there is at least one person who gets to hear everything i do. so you know- know that before you tell me anything.

17) What do you want for Christmas?
a tattoo, a gift card to borders. a latte in the morning would be nice.

18) Do you know the Muffin Man?
yeh, but we really havent spoke since that unfortunate incident with the Donut Dame

19) Do you talk in your sleep?
i do- and i've gotten some really weird returns on it. a guy i used to date refused to have sex with me for a week because of something i was talking about in my sleep. he never told me what it was, which i thought was a little unfair.

20) Who wrote the book of love?
i don't know but Mark Z. Danielweski should re-write it. that would just be awesome.

21) Have you ever flown a kite?
not well. i try to think of it as reverse fishing.

22) Do you wish on your fallen eyelashes?
i have before but it isn't a habit.

23) Do you whiten your teeth?
oh for hell NO! that is SO bad for you. ((says the smoker))

24) Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?
that is kind of gross.

25) Have you ever asked for a pony?
every year... sigh

26) Have you, or would you ever, donate sperm/eggs?
i would love to donate eggs, and not just because they pay you for it. ok, well maybe a lot because they pay you for it. but the idea of helping someone is nice too. i think they pay you a lot of money.

27) Can you juggle?
i really try my damndest to. inevitably, i end up hurting myself and/or others.

29) If you could enact any new law, what would it be?
everyone buys me a tattoo at least one time in their life.

30) Do the chickens have large talons?
i hope not. isn't a large talon a sure sign of genetic modification?

31) If you had only enough energy left in you for one last smile, who would you give it to?
i suppose whoever was watching me die. that's kind of creepy. and i'm not sure who i would want to watch me die, or who should be awarded the privilege. maybe i will just keep a mirror with me from now on so if i am dying i can look at myself and smile. thats a good idea.

32) Are you ready to rumble?
not really. i can't rumble anyway for the next 2-3 weeks until my ligaments get better. lame!

33) Can you count to Schfifty-Five?
i can. schwan, doo, doo and heif... hahahahahahahaha!

34) Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
no but i got a lot of saturday detentions. those were the worst. i feel like the nuns enjoyed it, however.

35) How do you spell relief?
glass of wine, cigarette. g-l-a-s-s o-f w-i-n-e, c-i-g-a-r-e-t-t-e. like that.

36) Have you ever crawled through a window?
yes i have. sometimes just for the hell of it.

37) Have you ever eaten dog food?
yeh, when i was a kid i tried it. i remember liking it. but my grandfather saw me and yelled at me, so i stopped. it was just the once.

38) Can you handle the truth?
i don't know. the truth can be very painful. i like to dart around the truth a little bit sometimes. it's a bad habit i know, but i like to live in denial as much as possible.

39) Do you like green eggs and ham?
wouldn't they taste the same as ordinary green eggs and ham? all you do is add green dye right? unless they were spoiled, and in that case legitimately green. but why would you serve something like that?

40) Who is your daddy? and what does he do?
wow, he is a news reporter, and to my knowledge has never fallen from a platform while stomping grapes.

i....

am in a bad bad bad mood.

i could think of millions of reasons why this might be
but upon further investigation it just seems like
b.s.
and i end up feeling like a malcontent
which is a terrible thing to feel

it makes my awesome mood even worse.


so suffice it to say:::
i hate everyone
i hate everything
everything sucks
the end.

guess what i did!!

i hyper-extended the ligaments in my spine!!

this is fantastic!

so, the awful twisting injury of doom occured on wednesday
and tonight i finally made it into the emergency room
because no one should cry
on account of sitting
(which i did. sitting shouldn't HURT)

(right?)

yeh
so i went and they took like 5 xrays
which will cost me a small fortune
and they all looked fine
so
i waited in my room for an hour for the doctor to come in
and ask me to walk around on my toes
then my heels
then i had to bark like a dog
and catch a Frisbee with my teeth
and jump thru a flaming hula-hoop
and renounce satan
THEN he says

"it appears you have yah yah yah yah yah yah yah"

and he gives me some muscle relaxers and steroids and painkillers
and we hugged and kissed each other

then i waited for another 45 minutes for nurse to give me my discharge papers---

i won't lie
i thought they forgot me so
i counted the blood stains on the floor
(14 total)
((yeh, there was this weird little trail of blood around my room and into the hallway which no one had bothered to clean up))

then some other stuff happened
now i am blogging about it and
i feel very talkative
because i am also drinking a mix of baileys and egg nog
which is great, a little, right now
but i probably won't mix the two ever again

write it down, ladies...

too cold for the river

my datr's most favourite thing to do::

go down to the river and throw rocks in the water.

so since it's cold and snowy and wet, i'm thinking

no river. i told her::

it is too cold for the river.

she gave me that blank "dora the explorer" blinking stare and replied:::

"ah river?"

***

sigh

***

so instead
i took her to what was once the bane of my existence- first job- lost circle of hell- cess pool

chuck e. cheese





it would have been insufferable had there been anyone else in the building
but it actually ended up being a genius solution to sunny ohio's awesome weather festivus.

she doesn't grasp at all the concept of games and prizes
and she has the attention span of a tube sock
and i was pretty for sure we were going to be asked to leave during her very first skee-ball lesson wherein she insisted on throwing overhand as opposed to the official skee-ball association appropriated underhanded roll...



but i taught her how to pull the tickets just right from the machines so that you end up with a couple extra
and she got to pick out a prize, which ended up being laffy taffy and some incredibly well put together foam plane flyer that flew from her hand and into the abyss...

all in all a good day

i'm not mad i'm... something else

i feel tired. i feel patient and impatient.

***

it is raining.
this is fine, except my windshield wipers stopped working a few months ago.
i rain-x'ed the beejesus out of my van, however
it doesn't help that much.

***

every morning- well,
sometimes
some mornings
when i wake up
you think i am mad.

well,
i can't be a supernova all the time.

last night, venus and jupiter aligned-
and
you were right (you are right)
it was special (it is)

that doesn't mean
i can't be quiet about it

i can't try to forget
the wet black highway
and us hydroplaning
leaving soggy treadmarks
on the freeway
i stared at my hands
because i was scared....

NOT because i was mad-
i am NOT mad
i am something else entirely

***

so, what?
(can YOU hear it? i can)

WwOoMmAaNn!!
WwHhAaTt IiSs TtHhEe PpRrOoBbLlEeMm??

me: huh?

heh.

it's not that there is something to tell,
there is nothing to tell
nothing of any value
not really-
my head, my heart
all wells
i'm just... out there
right now
and maybe feeling
a little ignored
so
i went to bed
and it was
AAAAAaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

so


nice,

and now with the door closed
i get my space.

my, my...

i've decided i miss people, and
i didn't realize how much time had gone by between us.

you in indiana-
i think it is funny
how we stay connected, always somehow
we always know a little about each other
but
not in that acquaintance-semipermeable type of way

it is more a sincere, far off admiration
like lighthouses
marking a dock you won't ever moor
some strange, absent nostalgia
and a love
that beckons but doesn't belong

sad the way i feel i would look at you
if we we together

my heart opens
no matter how shut the door becomes

and for you
a special place, always
in my soul...

***

however-

today just so happened to be one of the most productive days of my existence
i am proud of myself
i (all by myself)
got very close to being almost out of debt
almost as 100% as possible
and it is so freeing

and i did it
no one else

heh

i LIKE it...

****

and i miss you,
in vegas
in new england or maui
or...

where did you go?

sometimes your silence
resonates so profound
and my thoughts often lead to you
and this time your quiet
is stark
and final-feeling

i could dream speak
but you would ignore it anyway

it just-
it isn't our time
yet and still

i love you
just the same
but
that won't matter now

i worry that it ever will

****

what a day
a long day
and i am up
indulging in my lethargy of the late nights
my wine- my constant companion
my racing thoughts
and longing for narcotics...

a wanderlust for the extreme sweetness invoked by a mere shot in the vein of my well-doing
i want to be sweet to you
to the world
and forget my misplace anger
and out-of-sorts- it
ought to be my last resort, yeh
well....

top dollar offers
but i am still waiting

****

so well,
looking forward to four hours of a wine induced nap-
a nap now
not even sleep
in the daylight i go back to what is commonly known as
ME
--
mandy-the-show
professional
orderly and obedient
and
"that was a good close"
you know-

thats all i got to me-



somedays,
maybe.

*****

and you
my sweet, broken shouldered
newfound
handsome something

my mind swims thru thoughts of you
memories i have
to build an entire future
your warmth
is what i am after
safe and sound
in my van

or your arms

the cold ground
that is always breaking...

i am breathing
and drinking
and readying myself for another smoke
my 100,000th of the day

heart beats away

come on now, you old apocalypse....

i only have so much time to waste....

lethargy of the late nights

i was meaning to watch a movie
but i get so addicted to the internet-
yes, i admit it

addicted.

i need a solid releasing program
full of steps and coins and power circles-

it's true.