come here often?

not so much now.

this part of my life is over,

and so is this blog.

***

blessed be,

mdy

i've learned....

i am a prophet, or-

my own worst enemy, maybe- or-

both, or neither- OR-

i am just a soulless, heartless, loveless vagabond

with no road,

no home,

and no you...

doors

i dont know if you remember this, but a long time ago i told you i was afraid of doors.
not doors themselves, really, but whats there, behind them.
because one time i opened a door to a silencer, and then i ran.

song of the moment

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks no it don't break even.

Her best days will be some of my worst,
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first,
While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping,
'Coz when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even no.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Coz she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even no.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, (One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces, ('Coz when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain,
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh.
'Coz you left me with no love, with no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks no it don't break, no it don't break, no it don't break even no.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, (One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces, ('Coz when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, It don't break even, no

the script

.s.a.m.h.a.i.n.

blessed be.

i've been thinking...

about happiness.

...

and i find it strange that i'm happy, or moreover: happy for the sake of being happy-

without all the Pollyanna aftertaste or

the thick, marmalade flavoured sap of Field of Dreams,

no,

more like

an immediate call to explore my life

protect it

cherish it

set myself apart from my family, because

i am not them.


i refuse.

instead i have forged a code of ethics revolving around my ideas of

self-value

i'm worth more than i sell myself hourly to my job;

intelligence and aptitude

and a certain, peculiar manner of thought processing

all my own

and all completely misunderstood.


there is freedom in owning your life-

forever i pined for a dark highway
tall trees
scent of wild, feral earth
in the west
by the pacific
salt in the breeze
and complete autonomy...

it's still hard not to have it

but i still want it enough to know

i will have it

one

of



these


days (of mine)

what do ya know...

i know everything. i wish i did. i am glad i don't.

you never know the hard roads until they're underfoot, and

out of control.

doesn't matter how many steep, rocky paths upon which you've embarked-

you can only get better.

learn and try-

fuck up and learn-

learn how to live and accept the inevitable life dice-

we all die.




i have so much to live for.

so much to be thankful for.

i have so many to love and who love back.




some love is distant.

some love is close by,

some love is an ebb tide-

the shore you will always look

for footprints.



people come

people go.


i will come

and i will go.

but-

not now, please

universe

god

truth-

it is not yet my time.



please don't take me away....


(victory)