lakes of canada

Look for me another day
I feel that I could change,
I feel that I could change.
There's a sudden joy that's like
a fish, a moving light;
I thought I saw it
rowing on the lakes of Canada

Oh laughing man 
what have you won?
don't tell me what cannot be done.
my little mouth, my winter lungs
don't tell me what cannot be done,
cannot be done di-da-di-da de da da da de da...

Walking in the cirlce of a flashlight
someone starts to sing, to join in.
Talk of loneliness in quiet voices
I am shy but you can reach me. 
rowing on the lakes of Canada
rowing on the lakes of Canada

Oh laughing man 
what have you won?
don't tell me what cannot be done.
my little mouth, my winter lungs
don't tell me what cannot be done.
cannot be done di-da-di-da de da da da de da...

Look for me another time,
give me another day.
I feel that I could change

rowing on the lakes of Canada,
rowing on the lakes of Canada.

inn.miss.

left-

all i can think is this 

a night of missed kisses, red clouds and

music- loud

over the waves of the ohio,

yeh, i know-

and im used to the feeling of being used too...

you sleep and i'm awake

you call that a choice? for FUCKS sake!

i didn't do- did not do-

anything wrong,

at least

not to you.

into the rivers' water deep 

i wanted it to sink

to drown 

if i can't be reached i can't be found

and i wish to a god

try as hard as i can, but

the winds keep calling, and 

after all

this IS what i am-

you call it lost

or lonely

or broken or sad

or evil, and devil woman- yes!

that is what you said,

and with an easy way out, no less

and no better

you sent me that smile in the black and white

and i read it at night

right down to that last line

i get it-

you have to say goodbye.

what am i left with?

smoldering embers of possibilities and a

restless longing 

for lonely and

anything

and i shoulda seen it coming

from a week away-

not the only time you've had nothing to say

abscond

and fray-

i become a memory, again

in someone else's head

a ghost of myself

behind you as you tread

to find who you think

is gonna save your soul

but i've been through a lot more, 

WHAT THE FUCK DO you KNOW?

and

it's really that easy 

just to let me go?

so,

into the ohio 

and the water and the current

to the mississippi 

to lie on the river bed

with all that history

like me

is what i am- this-

a ghost

a loss

a want, like a fire

for the frost

i'm pale

and don't eat i don't sleep and

can't if i tried

theres a black sickness eating me on the inside

and my heart beats slower- look

i just want to die,

anyway...

and you have already said goodbye

airport

Today the grass is like another green, 
straight from heaven's garden, 
like you've never seen. 
At first glance it's like this place is on fire, 
but it's just time for this dew to expire. 
Most of the days I'm down near the sea. 
People say they're not seeing me, 
I miss them as much as they miss me. I miss 
them just like they miss me. 
Now yesterday I think he might have called to say 
Hey, or just to get us all together on a Saturday, 
to take some time come down your way. 
But he's over on the North Side. 
He can walk. 
He doesn't need a ride. 
I wouldn't pick him up anyway. 
It's not not my town. 
I don't know the way. 
I see him out my window, 
on a very different street where leaves fall 
up in the Spring time, and the sun sets in the East.
I'm always late whem I'm visiting. 
I can't remember where the station is. 
What time will you be coming in? 
I wish my town had an airport.
In 15 minutes we'de be at my door. 
We'd used the time for a walk and some wine, 
but these days I'm trying not to think about time. 
I see him out my window, 
on a very different street where leaves fall up in the Spring time, 
and the sun sets in the east. 
We hang out in the garden, away from phone calls, 
strip malls-now I don't want to leave you behind. 
It's just that grayed-out horizon. 
Hey, don't you think it's time?

karate

so long

so long that
i could not know what to say
even if it was told
to me
in your sweet, secret code
what is the true price
of youth and young womanhood?
if my body decays
like sandcastles being eaten away
by the tide
and the moon
and all that deep,
dark
dark
blue

"into my arms"

I don't believe in an interventionist God
But I know, darling, that you do
But if I did I would kneel down and ask Him
Not to intervene when it came to you
Not to touch a hair on your head
To leave you as you are
And if He felt He had to direct you
Then direct you into my arms

Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms

And I don't believe in the existence of angels
But looking at you I wonder if that's true
But if I did I would summon them together
And ask them to watch over you
To each burn a candle for you
To make bright and clear your path
And to walk, like Christ, in grace and love
And guide you into my arms

Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms

And I believe in Love
And I know that you do too
And I believe in some kind of path
That we can walk down, me and you
So keep your candlew burning
And make her journey bright and pure
That she will keep returning
Always and evermore

Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms

n.c.

26 things

i learned a lot about myself, driving from MASS to bethel, oh

pennsylvania, and it's many, many miles of construction aided my inane diatribes

and i really don't think angie was listening:

except for when she looked out the window and said

"you're weird."

so i smoked a cigarette.

here are 26 things i told her:

1. I rarely throw fits in public, but there are a few instances in which i really fly off the handle

these include:

2. Poor selection of grapefruit at the market. I'm particular about my grapefruit, true, but I get quite agitated when i hunt for ten minutes and can't find a decent grapefruit. And-

3. Not being able to find frozen brussel sprouts Not packaged in cheese or butter.

4. I will also complain loudly if I have to go to the movies, and I have to buy a snack for someone. A bottle of water costs 5$ at the cinema. I totally lost it.

5. I tear apart everything I eat. If it's a sandwich, I will rip it into several small pieces. If it is a burrito, i pull off all the excess tortilla.

6. Most nights, when I dream, I have nightmares. I wake up to the sound of myself yelling my name to get away from the dream.

7. Too many small objects in a highly concentrated area make me physically ill, and I can't stand to look at it. For example: 3,000 ants swarming around a starlight mint. It makes me vomit.

8. I also vomit when I have to get blood drawn. As soon as the phlebotomist taps my vein i start lurching. I wont stop throwing up the whole time I can feel the blood going out of my body.

9. I feel really bad about throwing up when they take blood. I SHOULD be donating my blood, because I am Oneg.

10. Although- I am hypoglycemic AND anemic. I don't even know if my blood is valid.

11. In the morning I always wish I was waking up in Pineville, KY- every time.

12. In the afternoons, I wish I were in Seattle- every time.

13. At sunset, I like being in Ohio. I can walk to the river and watch the reflection explode onto the surface of the water.

14. Late at night, I want to be Joker's Wild, Montana. Nothing in the world smells like night time in Montana.

15. I hate the flavour of pomegranents.

16. I always want to bite flowers. A fully blossomed rose. I CAN'T explain this- I actually mentioned it to the hostesses at work and they all just sort of shuffled awkwardly. The petals are so soft- it just seems like such a nice thing to bite.

17. I still sleep with my favourite stuffed animal. I take him with my every time I fly.

18. When I become too drunk, I find a place to hide, so I can sleep and no one will find me.

19. As soon as I stop liking where I am I will leave- even if this means having to walk several miles, in the middle of the night.

20. I sing when I walk.

21. I really, really dislike celebrities. It's very hard for me to enjoy a movie. Big-name actors turn into Pokemon for me- especially if it is a predictable, typecast role. Example: I get it- I really do- that Robert DeNiro makes a great replica of a hardened police officer. So when I watch a movie with him in this kind of role, he may as well be repeating his name over and over, as opposed to reciting lines.

22. All I drink anymore is wine. I can also drink quite a bit of it.

23. I make little songs about what I am doing, at that point in time.

24. I miss playing 4-Square. When did it go out of fashion?

25. Ankles are what first attract me to someone. I fall all over myself for a nice pair of ankles.

26. In me there is a very thin line between love and hate, and it is a border i have been trying to blur for many, many years.

this is what concerns me

one time, i argued (with anyone who would put up with it) that cobbler was better than pie. the rules were: the cobbler had a warm crumb topping and the pie could NOT be a la mode. This is because ice cream is not conditional of a pie, whereas the crumb topping on cobbler occurs naturally, being a legitimate feature of the dessert. a good debate, i feel.