so long

so long that
i could not know what to say
even if it was told
to me
in your sweet, secret code
what is the true price
of youth and young womanhood?
if my body decays
like sandcastles being eaten away
by the tide
and the moon
and all that deep,
dark
dark
blue

"into my arms"

I don't believe in an interventionist God
But I know, darling, that you do
But if I did I would kneel down and ask Him
Not to intervene when it came to you
Not to touch a hair on your head
To leave you as you are
And if He felt He had to direct you
Then direct you into my arms

Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms

And I don't believe in the existence of angels
But looking at you I wonder if that's true
But if I did I would summon them together
And ask them to watch over you
To each burn a candle for you
To make bright and clear your path
And to walk, like Christ, in grace and love
And guide you into my arms

Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms

And I believe in Love
And I know that you do too
And I believe in some kind of path
That we can walk down, me and you
So keep your candlew burning
And make her journey bright and pure
That she will keep returning
Always and evermore

Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms, O Lord
Into my arms

n.c.

26 things

i learned a lot about myself, driving from MASS to bethel, oh

pennsylvania, and it's many, many miles of construction aided my inane diatribes

and i really don't think angie was listening:

except for when she looked out the window and said

"you're weird."

so i smoked a cigarette.

here are 26 things i told her:

1. I rarely throw fits in public, but there are a few instances in which i really fly off the handle

these include:

2. Poor selection of grapefruit at the market. I'm particular about my grapefruit, true, but I get quite agitated when i hunt for ten minutes and can't find a decent grapefruit. And-

3. Not being able to find frozen brussel sprouts Not packaged in cheese or butter.

4. I will also complain loudly if I have to go to the movies, and I have to buy a snack for someone. A bottle of water costs 5$ at the cinema. I totally lost it.

5. I tear apart everything I eat. If it's a sandwich, I will rip it into several small pieces. If it is a burrito, i pull off all the excess tortilla.

6. Most nights, when I dream, I have nightmares. I wake up to the sound of myself yelling my name to get away from the dream.

7. Too many small objects in a highly concentrated area make me physically ill, and I can't stand to look at it. For example: 3,000 ants swarming around a starlight mint. It makes me vomit.

8. I also vomit when I have to get blood drawn. As soon as the phlebotomist taps my vein i start lurching. I wont stop throwing up the whole time I can feel the blood going out of my body.

9. I feel really bad about throwing up when they take blood. I SHOULD be donating my blood, because I am Oneg.

10. Although- I am hypoglycemic AND anemic. I don't even know if my blood is valid.

11. In the morning I always wish I was waking up in Pineville, KY- every time.

12. In the afternoons, I wish I were in Seattle- every time.

13. At sunset, I like being in Ohio. I can walk to the river and watch the reflection explode onto the surface of the water.

14. Late at night, I want to be Joker's Wild, Montana. Nothing in the world smells like night time in Montana.

15. I hate the flavour of pomegranents.

16. I always want to bite flowers. A fully blossomed rose. I CAN'T explain this- I actually mentioned it to the hostesses at work and they all just sort of shuffled awkwardly. The petals are so soft- it just seems like such a nice thing to bite.

17. I still sleep with my favourite stuffed animal. I take him with my every time I fly.

18. When I become too drunk, I find a place to hide, so I can sleep and no one will find me.

19. As soon as I stop liking where I am I will leave- even if this means having to walk several miles, in the middle of the night.

20. I sing when I walk.

21. I really, really dislike celebrities. It's very hard for me to enjoy a movie. Big-name actors turn into Pokemon for me- especially if it is a predictable, typecast role. Example: I get it- I really do- that Robert DeNiro makes a great replica of a hardened police officer. So when I watch a movie with him in this kind of role, he may as well be repeating his name over and over, as opposed to reciting lines.

22. All I drink anymore is wine. I can also drink quite a bit of it.

23. I make little songs about what I am doing, at that point in time.

24. I miss playing 4-Square. When did it go out of fashion?

25. Ankles are what first attract me to someone. I fall all over myself for a nice pair of ankles.

26. In me there is a very thin line between love and hate, and it is a border i have been trying to blur for many, many years.

this is what concerns me

one time, i argued (with anyone who would put up with it) that cobbler was better than pie. the rules were: the cobbler had a warm crumb topping and the pie could NOT be a la mode. This is because ice cream is not conditional of a pie, whereas the crumb topping on cobbler occurs naturally, being a legitimate feature of the dessert. a good debate, i feel.

in boston, part 2

The next day, Angie took me to Newberry Street.


(Lots of department stores and boutiques. Everything was very, very expensive. I did not buy anything.)

We went to a sweet art-jazz bar called the Beehive.


(This is what i look like standing next to the Beehive chalkboard.)

We ordered some wine, and i noticed there was Chartreuse behind the bar. I asked the bartender about the spirit, and he says:

"Here, i will let you taste some." He fills a rocks glass with ice and pours me a double shot of yellow Chartreuse. (there is a green Chartreuse as well, according to THIS WEBSITE the yellow is milder.)

And here i am drinking Chartreuse.


(it was awful. this was all Quentin Tarrintino's fault. if you've ever seen Death Proof that's why.)

we took pictures of ourselves.



(damn right, we're cute.)

Later, we went out for beer, which is also very expensive in boston. It was Valentines Day, so we decided to celebrate by going to a dive-y place called the Silhouette.


(7$ pitchers of PBR. We had 5.)

We met some of Ange's friends, and walked over to her favourite bar called Deep Ellum.


(not to be confused with Deep Ellum, Texas.)

The biggest difference between the Silhouette and Deep Ellum was the cost.
Silhouette: 7$ pitchers.
Deep Ellum: 7$ beers.


(by this time yours truly was a very happy girl, and needed to rest her very happy eyes. which i did. about 20 minutes after this photo was taken.)

day 2 was awesome.

in boston, part 1

this is ange.


(visit her blog, see her artwork HERE)

she lives in boston:


(thats in massachusetts)

i flew there. it was scary. i hate to fly.


(i call this: clouds with plane wing)


she goes to SMFA. this is what she looks like when she poses for me in her studio:



(master at work)


she took me to a place called The Squealing Pig:


(art students call it "the pig")

we took trains and busses all over the city:


(because public transportation is actually FUNCTIONAL in boston...)

night one ended in much joy:


(and a hangover the next day)

i am baaaaaack

hello!!!!

i am in boston (it is my last night)

pictures coming soon- and details to follow. i have been a bad blogger, i know- BUT

i plan to redeem myself full throttle

check itout

i am silly on wine-

EveRYONE!!!!

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN????