an internal sabbatical

people aren't good. i keep repeating this but it won't compute.
i belong under the ground.
i belong far away from my face, my heart, my arms.

i hope in time this makes me less pretty.

or maybe you were looking too hard in the first place.

"that you were once unkind befriends me now"

you can't be frozen with fear if you are trembling.

"fade like a sigh..."

cerebus, hell's guardian, takes residence in my hips.

i can't remember what voltaire said- what circle of hell liar's fall to. i do remember the eye was a frozen core, where a great beast cried eternally.

otherwise....

acid causes your brain to bleed,

and this may directly result in a total lack of poingnancy,or even
real
words.

zen belly

i.
am.
the.
calm.
center.


i am
the
calm
center.

i.a..m.t..h...e...c.....a...l.m...

on thieves and liars...

there is an enigma about the city that walks with me in the catacombs of alleyways and parking lots that reminds me of a deliciously lonely time in my life, makes me dirty, makes my skin like sand, makes me eyes falls, my heart close.

i long for deep nights and dark highways, and the promise of nothing over the horizon- but this is not new.

no newer or nearer than my liar's heart-
and if you even guess for a moment measured against the heartbeat of a hummingbird that i am lying- then it's true.

ironic, but so it goes.

liars are thieves, too.

ubiquity of black holes

"Run desire run
Sexual being
Run him like a blade
To and through the heart
No conscience
One Motive
Cater to the hollow

Screaming feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacify this hungering
So grow
Libido throw
Dominoes of indiscretions down
Falling all around
In cycles
In circles
Constantly consuming
Conquer and devour

Cause it's time to bring the fire down
Bridle all this indiscretion
Long enough to edify
And permanently fill this hollow

Screaming feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacifying

Feed me here
Fill me up again
Temporarily pacifying"

all the many ways i disintergrate

i dreamt last night of a dark dolphin coming from the water to kiss my cheek in the sky.

i heard someone say something so beautiful, even leonard cohen would have stepped back.

and i have heard about this ability in me to inspire love. Love?
when the next words that hang me, something about acoutrements and distortions of a deviluar kind, and i come to find before me a long stretched out desert, tired and thirsty for this one, this phoenix (right) who can inspire so much love,

and yet,

you all run in the end.

and i return to eleven
the hemits eyes see whats down in my soul as he hands my my own grey reaper and utterly i am

.a.l.o.n.e.